


Love yourself as I love you

by maebealive



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Closeted Alec, Highschool AU, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:49:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9296945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maebealive/pseuds/maebealive
Summary: Magnus is Izzy's best friend and they are both juniors in highschool, Alec is a senior who is still in the closet. Magnus and Alec hate each other but seeing the pain that Alec is in from not being his true self, he attempts to help Alec truly accept himself. Can Alec learn to love himself and  accept who he is despite his family wishes, with the help of Magnus, or will he push everyone away including the man that started loving him in the process?





	1. Chapter 1

"Im home" Alec screamed from downstairs, as he shut the front door, his helmet in one hand and keys and phone in the other, not paying attention to the rest of the world as he texted Raphael about the plans for tonight. Lydia's parents weren't home this weekend so she was planning a huge party, and being the most popular person in school Alec _had_ to make an appearance. 

"Upstairs" he faintly heard Isabelle, his younger sister yell back, she was a year younger than him and she was an annoying little shit but he loved her to pieces none the less. The most annoying thing about her though was her obnoxious little friend Magnus, with all his glitter, and make up, and bisexual pride; Alec couldn't stand him, and maybe it's cause Alec himself is so far in the closet that seeing someone actually be proud of their sexuality made him extremely jealous but he wasn't going to admit that. 

After sending the final text to Raphael with a time that he might show up, he sighed putting his phone in his back pocket before heading towards the kitchen, depositing his helmet onto the dining table along the way. As he turned the corner he saw the devil himself bending in front of the fridge looking for something to eat. Grunting, Alec pushed the younger out of the way, grabbing a beer, and throwing the fridge door closed. Turning around he was face to face with the glittery best friend who looked both enraged and shocked. 

"Excuse you" Magnus scoffed, trying to move past the taller teen to reach the fridge. Smirking Alec opened the bottle and took a swig, leaning against the cool metal behind him.  
"Problem?" Alec replied innocently, staring daggers at the other boy.  
"Get your fat ass out of the way Alec" Magnus grunted, pushing Alec slightly to reach for the refrigerator handle.  
"Did you just touch me?" Alec hissed coldly, stepping towards the glittery male, turning their bodies so Magnus was in the position Alec was just in, bracketing him against the fridge.  
"Problem?" Magnus smirked, repeating Alec's earlier words making the other fume with anger. 

Before Alec could reply he heard the small *click click* of his sister walking down the stairs. Pushing away from the smirking teen, Alec grabbed his beer and walked out of the kitchen into the joining living room where Jace and his girlfriend, clary sat. Jace was his adoptive brother, and his best friend, and clary was the girl who nearly fucked that all up. In the beginning, Alec loathed that girl because he felt like he was losing Jace, but over time as their relationship got out of the 'honeymoon phase' he grew to appreciate her more every day and treated her like another little sister. It had always annoyed Alec when he heard teenagers in a relationship say "we'll get married one day" cause let's be real they all broke up after 6 months in the real world; but with Jace and clary, fuck it was accurate. He couldn't see those too apart or with anyone other than each other. They were literally made for each other. 

As soon as he entered the living room Clary was on him like a spider monkey, hugging him so tight he could barely breathe.  
"I missed you" Clary whined, hugging him closer if that was even possible.  
Laughing Alec's grip tightened too, "I missed you too short straw, but I’m losing circulation here so could you maybe loosen up a bit" he joked with her. 

It had been 3 weeks since he had actually seen her, Jace saw her maybe 3 times a week but for the past few weeks Alec had been busy every time she was visiting. Clary went to a different school than the Lightwood's so it was weekend and after school visits that kept the couple together along with talking on the phone every day. Alec and clary would text a lot too of course but it's not the same as seeing the fiery red head in person. 

"Awww this is adorable" he heard Izzy coo from the door way to the kitchen.  
"Stop stealing my girl, Alec" Jace joked, as the two friends separated laughing.  
"I'm _so_ not his type" Clary smirked, pulling Alec down with her, to sit on the couch.  
"Oh, yeah and what is his type?" Jace challenged, laughing with his girlfriend.  
"He doesn't have a big enough love life to have a type" Izzy teased, dragging herself and Magnus into the living room to sit on the adjacent couch, but not before walking over to Alec to give him a hug hello, and a kiss on the cheek"  
"You're all assholes" Alec frowned at the group, too much fondness in his voice to actually mean his words. 

They gave a small laugh at Alec's discomfort and clary lightly elbowed in the ribs, to break his cold exterior.  
"Maybe you should hook up at the party tonight," Jace suggested, wiggling his eyebrows "when's the last time you got laid?" He asked with a smirk already knowing the answer.  
"You know I can't do that" Alec argued, with a defeated sigh, slumping into the couch.  
"There are pills for that kind of issue" Magnus teased, god Alec hated him.  
"Not what I meant, asshole" The taller growled.  
"You know the school will accept you if you come out right" Jace sighed, sitting down on the edge of the couch, his hand running through clary's hair, who in turn put her hand in Alec's to give him some form of comfort.  
"School's not the problem" Izzy answered for Alec with a sad sigh, they'd had this conversation so many times it was getting repetitive and old.  
"If things go that south you know you could move in with us, right?" Clary smiled, as she gestured between her and Magnus. 

Magnus was adopted by Clary's mother, Jocelyn, and step father, Luke, when he was twelve after his mother and father both died. His mother died giving birth to him, and his father had killed himself with Magnus was twelve. Only clary and her family, and Isabelle know the full story of Magnus' situation and upbringing and they always say 'with everything he has been through and to still be that happy, he is the strongest person I know', so yeah sometimes Alec felt sympathy for Magnus and maybe even looked up to him but he still hated the fucking walking disco ball. But even with all that hatred he knew that even Magnus would be there for him if things went south with his family and they found out he was gay. 

"I appreciate it, but I’m going to stick to my plan of, graduate and leave this place and then when i'm far enough away from mum and dad, be myself" Alec gave a small smile of reassurance as he got up from the couch, squeezing Clary's hand before letting go and walking out of the room and upstairs. He hated the topic being brought up because it was a constant reminder of "i can't be myself" and it was like he was clawing himself from the inside out. The longer he hid who he was the worse it got, and the more painful it became. 

"Come out with me tonight" he heard a silky voice say from behind him. He'd made into his room without realising someone had followed him upstairs, turning around he saw Magnus standing there looking sympathetic.  
Alec scoffed as he turned back around, taking his leather jacket off, and throwing it over his desk chair, "why would I do that?" He asked with disgust clear in his voice.  
"Because I know what you're going through and what you're feeling and I know a place when you can be who you are for the night without anyone you know being there to gossip to your parents afterwards" Magnus reasoned, taking a step into Alec's room cautiously. 

"You don't know anything about what I’m feeling Magnus" The taller male spat, harshly taking his shirt off and throwing it into the laundry hamper, "you live with clary and her family and they accept you, have you met my parents they're the most homophobic people I've ever met, you haven't heard what they say about people like us" Alec was on the verge of yelling, choking down the urge to cry he sighed and sat on the end of his bed. "You don't know what it's like" Alec breathed out, looking up into Magnus' eyes. 

"Alexander, I understand completely how bad homophobia can be, especially from parents. And I know how much you're hurting because you're hiding yourself from the people you love and yourself, so just come out with me tonight and be yourself for once." Magnus practically pleaded, although he despised the other man, he hated seeing anyone in pain because of their sexuality, and seeing Alec hurt more because it hurt the people around him too. "Izzy won't be there she is going to Lydia's party, no one you know will be there" he added just to sweeten the offer. 

"Okay" Alec breathed out, shoulders visibly relaxing like he needed to be free for a night.  
"Okay?" Magnus cautiously asked, he couldn't believe Alec had actually agreed.  
"Okay," Alec repeated, "I need to know some details of what is happening though so I know what to wear and where to be and all that" Alec rambled as he stood up and grabbed his phone from his back pocket to text Raphael that plans changed and he couldn't make it. 

"Just wear jeans, a tight button up, and your leather jacket" Magnus smiled, 'wow getting along with Alec has been going well so far' he thought to himself, "and meet me out front of mine at 7, bring your bike" he beamed. Magnus had been wanting to ride Alec's motorbike since he got it 6 months ago, but every time he even mentioned the thing Alec would growl and swear that if Magnus ever touched it he would lose his hands. But tonight, they needed the bike so there was no avoiding it and Magnus was beaming at the thought. He always did love riding...motorbikes of course. 

"Ok see you then" Alec nodded grabbing his mac book and throwing it onto the bed for later. When he turned his head around once more Magnus was still there, his eyes fixated on Alec's back and shoulders, "do you need anything else" he asked somewhat calmly, narrowing his eyes. Just because he was going to do whatever Magnus had planned tonight doesn't mean they're friends.  
"No sorry" Magnus coughed, nodding his head before heading out the door, sound of him running down the stairs echoed through the upstairs hall. 

"Why did I agree to this" Alec groaned to himself, throwing himself onto the bed face first. Maybe this was going to be good for him, he thought. Nope definitely not this is a terrible idea. He was officially going insane, he just agreed to voluntarily hang out with a man he hated. Yep this was a terrible idea that could only end badly.


	2. Chapter 2

Alec sighed as he did up the final button on his cobalt blue shirt, rolling the sleeves to his elbows before throwing on his leather jacket. This was definitely a bad idea he thought to himself as he gathered his keys, phone and wallet. It had been a few hours since Magnus left meaning, it being 6:45pm now, meaning he had to leave soon to pick up the other, and Alec was already regretting agreeing to whatever the annoying, glittery man had planned. 

He gave himself a once over in the mirror before sighing in defeat and retrieving the spare helmet from his desk, and walking out of his room. He hadn’t told the others his plans but they were sure to find out he wasn’t going to the party as soon as they arrived and realised their brother wasn’t there, but he didn’t want to get into the discussion, not when he already regretted his choices. When he arrived down stairs he gave a quick kiss on the cheek goodbye to Isabelle, and gathered his own helmet from the dining table. If she thought the fact Alec was holding two helmets was odd she didn’t mention it, thank god. 

Alec arrived at Magnus’ 10 minutes early, the fact that his house was in walking distance meant that he honestly could have left at 7 exactly but he couldn’t stop fidgeting and decided that it was best to just bite the bullet and leave now so he didn’t end up bailing because of nerves. From the looks of the driveway no one was home, and he already knew Clary was at his house with Jace, so at least that made this whole thing easier. No one would know but him and Magnus and that information calmed his nerves a little. 

“You coming inside or what” a voice broke the stuffy air, Alec hadn’t realised that he had been sitting out the front of Magnus’ house now for a few minutes unmoving. Turning to face a very well presented Magnus, he nodded, taking his helmet off and parted from the bike to follow the other boy inside.  
“You’re nervous” Magnus pointed out, his voice understanding with a tinge of humour as he shut the front door and walked into the kitchen.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Alec huffed, sitting on the bar stool at the kitchen island, placing his helmet next to him on the bench.  
“You know it’s ok to be scarred, I’m not going to judge you,” the shorter said somewhat softly.  
Ignoring Magnus’ words and his uncharacteristic way of speaking to him, Alec let out a grunt, narrowing his eyes and glaring at the other, “are you ready to go or are we just going to keep having this bullshit conversation?” 

Magnus glared at the taller male before grabbing his belongings and pushing Alec towards the front door, who nearly fell backwards off the stool. Hearing a mumbled ‘fucker’ under his breath from Magnus as he sauntered out the front door, Alec grunted, grabbing his helmet and followed the younger teen outside, slamming the door behind him. Magnus was waiting beside Alec’s bike, despite the anger he felt towards the taller teen he didn’t dare touch the bike in front of him. Pushing the shorter teen out of the way Alec grabbed the spare helmet from one of the compartments, shoving it to Magnus’ chest without looking at him. 

“You’re such a prick, could you at least try to be nice, I’m helping you tonight” Magnus huffed, putting the helmet over his head and standing beside the bike that Alec was now sitting on, watching the teen put on his own helmet.  
“Get on the bike, Magnus” Alec grunted, the night hadn’t started yet and everything could turn to shit there is no point to say ‘thank you’ just yet. Sensing that Magnus hesitated, Alec turned to look at the other with a smirk firming on his lips, “problem?”  
“No- I-just,” the glittered teen fumbled with his words, before huffing out a breath, “help me get on” he sighed, looking annoyed and defeated from the admission.  
Alec let out a hearty chuckle before grabbing Magnus’ arm and pulling him closer, making the shorter teen stumble slightly, “put your hand on my shoulder” Alec instructed, leading Magnus’ hand to his body, “now put your foot here, and swing your leg over, and use me for support” he said, tapping Magnus’ thigh with the back of his hand as he gave the instructions, smirking at Magnus’ flustered state. 

When Magnus finally got on the bike, he had only his knees pressed against Alec’s hips, sitting further back to avoid contact. Magnus watched the other teen take his hands away from the handle bars and rest them on his own thighs, turning his head back a bit to look at Magnus, “what are you doing” he huffed, annoyance in his voice.  
“What do you mean?” Magnus asked out exasperated, making Alec’s frown deepen.  
“You’re going to fall off” The taller teen gritted out.  
“I’m fine here” Magnus played it off casually, glaring at the other teen, he really didn’t need to be pressed against the man who hated him. Alec frowned at the glittery male, turning his body back to face the front. 

Without warning Alec’s hands wove their way behind him, behind Magnus’ knees hurling the teen forward against his back, causing Magnus to yelp in surprise his hands coming up to grab Alec’s sides and his legs pressing more firmly to Alec’s as they straddled the bike together.  
“What the fuck!” Magnus screamed digging his fingers into Alec’s ribs as he rested his head against Alec’s shoulder breathing heavily getting over the aftershock of the surprise.  
“You would’ve fallen off if I started the bike” Alec replied hoarsely. This was definitely a bad idea, and doing that move was on the top of the list of bad decisions so far, he’d never had someone pressed up against him before, and despite the fact that it was Magnus it was just nice having another man touching him. _He needs to chill._  
“Don’t do that again” Magnus gritted out, punctuating his words with a jab to Alec’s side as he lifted his head from Alec’s shoulder. 

Before Magnus could retrieve his hands from Alec’s sides the taller teen grabbed his hands and rapped them around his middle, “Where are we going Magnus,” Alec questioned casually, as he kicked away the bike stand and starting up the bike which caused Magnus to tighten his grip slightly on the other teen.  
“Uh, the valley, I’ll direct you when we get there” Magnus replied, his voice barely a whisper over the sound of the engine, loosening his hands briefly, before holding on for dear life as the motorbike roared to life as it sped down their street. Tonight was going to be interesting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooowwww right so completely forgot about this story, and about this chapter that I wrote forever ago, time to get back into writing I guess, and I'm feeling the highschool malec au, and considering whats going on in the show having some non-fantasy problems between the pair sounds pretty good at the moment. 
> 
> Alsooo haven't written in forever, and I barely just read over this and the first chapter so its gunna take me a smidge to get back into the swing of writing to produce something good haha, whoops sorry!!!!!! either way hope you guys like it !!

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is gunna be a chaptered work, my first chaptered work and I'm kinda nervous to see how this goes. I wrote this today in like 30 min bc I was in the biggest highscool malec au vibe so yep tell me what you guys think cause idk if it's shit or not. I feel like I need to add more to the hatred with Magnus and Alec because it seems very fluffy atm and I don't want that in the beginning, maybe next chap ill have some more hate idk where I'm going with this tbh I just came up with the idea today so yep. ohh maybe ill start like half hate and half fluff and then just go a few chaps with heaps of anger cause I'm all about angst. sgboadsf mate idk 
> 
> hit me up on tumblr siphor.tumblr.com and twitter @maebealive and tell me what you think


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